What word should I use to call my husband or wife in Japanese?

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wife
1. おくさん（okusan）
2. よめ（yome）
husband
1. ごしゅじん（goshujin）

wife

Words for ‘my wife’ can be different from those for ‘other wife’. It is recommended that you use words in yellow as you are not a native speaker.

my wife	other wife
つま（tsu ma） common, formal	n/a
かない（ka na i） less common	n/a
にょうぼう（nyo u bo u） less common	n/a
おくさん（o ku sa n） informal	おくさん（o ku sa n） common おくさま（o ku sa ma） formal
よめ（yo me） informal	よめ（yo me） informal

おくさん（okusan）

おくさま（okusama）is more polite than おくさん（okusan）. Both さま and さん are a suffix to show respect.

【Japanese vocabulary: suffix after person's name】くん (kun)、さん (san)、ちゃん (chan)

くん is for boys and ちゃん is for girls. What about さん and さま? Let's check them out.

よめ（yome）

よめ（yome）is originally a word which parents use when they call their son’s wife. Some people, especially Japanese comedians from western regions like Kansai area, like to use よめ when they talk about their wife on TV.

They influenced many people across Japan, so more people in other regions such as Tokyo started to use よめ to describe their wife, who usually hates it.

Summary

my wife: つま（tsu ma）
other wife: おくさん（o ku sa n）or おくさま（o ku sa ma）

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husband

Words for ‘my husband’ can be different from those for ‘other husband’. It is recommended that you use words in yellow as you are not a native speaker.

my husband	other husband
おっと（o t to） common, formal	n/a
しゅじん（shu ji n） common, formal	ごしゅじん（go shu ji n） common, formal
だんな（da n na） common だんなさん（da n na sa n） informal	だんなさん（da n na sa n） common だんなさま（da n na sa ma） more polite
ていしゅ（te i shu） rare	n/a

ごしゅじん（goshujin）

ご is placed in front of しゅじん to make it more polite.

Honorifics（敬語・けいご）

There are three groups for Japanese honorifics. Let's have a look carefully so that you can use them properly in a daily conversation.

ごしゅじんさま（go shu ji n sa ma）

The Japanese word ごしゅじんさま（goshujinsama）reminds many people, especially young people, of ‘maids’ at maid cafes which is メイドカフェ（meidokafe） or メイド喫茶（meidokissa）in Japanese.

They greet customers when they come back there, saying おかえりなさいませ、ごしゅじんさま（okaerinasaimase, goshujinsama）which means ‘Welcome back, my master’.

So, it is better not use ごしゅじんさま when you call somebody’s husband in case. ごしゅじん is polite enough.